My ( Formerly) Secret Shame

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Virgil Evetts

As much as I might convince myself that I have sophisticated, urbane tastes, embarrassing, childish regression keeps bubbling to the surface. Perhaps I should explain…

 I just can’t help it, I really can’t but I’ve developed a serious weakness for pink hundreds and thousands biscuits. How can this be? They’re horrible- well they should be – but I can’t stop buying and devouring them by the packet-load.

And I might as well come clean – this isn’t the only very-bad-food–indeed obsession I’ve been through and I fear it won’t be the last. First there was the Pringles and wine gums phase, then the milk bottles and glow-heart (sweets) period, cheese flavoured crackers, sherbet dabs, M&Ms, raspberry liquorice straps…

 I’m pretty sure it’s a nostalgia thing tied up with childhood denial or something, but I’m 33 for crying out loud!

Please say I’m not alone in my cringe-food fetishes. Name your shame…



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33 thoughts on “My ( Formerly) Secret Shame

  1. Virgil ,, You do not have these fetishes on your own, I am an avid lover as well,still finding these items now and again and make the most of it. I actually found some Blackballs and Brandyballs so have bought some and SLOWLY eating them.

  2. Ha Ha .They are my favourite too.I dont know why but so addictive.I also while making lunch for hubby sneak in to the pantry and make myself “sweetie bread” with them or if I really need a wee lift have chocolate chip sandwiches

  3. Ha that made me laugh about the 100’s & 1000’s biscuits… I had a crush on them about a year ago… I think it is the flavour in the pink icing! Yum…

  4. For a very short time, many years ago Coconut lumps were available. Damn I miss those lumps.
    The KFC seasoning is very simple: Salt, M.S.G and cocaine.

  5. Hi Virgil,

    Well I must say a packet of Jaffa thins does not last long in this household.

    I do love my jaffas and pineapple lumps, i dont do jetplanes etc. But will smack anyone over for black jelly beans.

    I love my Krispa corn chips, salt and vinegar flavoured of course…
    Twisties are better as you get more in the packet (well you do when you nick your kids small multi packs)…

    As for KFC,who ever invented the seasoning on the fries should be shot, its addictive and I wonder why my daughter loves KFC..i craved it when i was pregnant with her…

  6. Sweets wise.. licorice, has to be black and it can be straps, current soft range, but licorice and black. None of this raspberry rubbish. Jetplane lollies – I can devour a bag full on my own and lo betide anyone that tries to intervene between me and my Jetplanes.

    Savoury.. cheerio cheerio baby – yeah !! Have been indulging recently in them with tomato sauce as I did a retro birthday lunch for no. 1 son and they were on the menu – forgot how good they were. Then when we supermarket shopped in the weekend, saw luncheon sausage which is absolute crap, but bought some slices, fried them up with a fried egg and also went out to KFC specifically for their gravy and introduced George to the wonders of fried luncheon, eggs & KFC Gravy – harking back to my young and poor days with that one, but oh so yum.

    And cheezels and twisties – oh my god agree on that one.

    Ummm why am I fat :) Although I must stress all of the above are rare treats and not often. Good god if they were more often I would have to walk in sideways to get in our front door hahahha.

  7. I used to be into Cheezels in a big way – then one day I couldn’t find them and I found Burger Rings

    I’m more an ice cream-oholic the coned sort and usually I will have a double so I can have a basic hokey pokey with another……I used to be just the really whipped ones with a chocolate flake and dipped in chocolate

    I think this stemmed from the fact that when I was child we went to the Sat matinee and it was helped by the sheer fact that my Mother worked in the sweetie place adjacent and we would have jaffa orange/choc chip cones chocolate dipped!

    I will when I’m in a fun mood have one of the ‘cakes’ that is basically all marshmallow on a thin base with something like 100s/1000s on

    ohhhhhhhhh I’ll have to have one next time I’m OUT

  8. Reading your preferences I can identify with many of you. My favourites are Mars Bars and Crunchies. I can imagine what corrugated cardboard soaked and then dried tastes like, and for me that is cheezels, rashuns, etc. The only exception being Grainwaves which are similar to Taties but very salty. I love them. Being English, Virol is, or was, my parallel to Maltexo and a childhood favourite. A big spoonful, wound round and round and popped in my mouth would give a few minutes of sheer pleasure. Instead of Maltesers, my chocolate-shelled favourites are brazil nuts. And yes, I eat the whole item, not just suck off the chocolate and leave the nuts for visitors!!

  9. Pineapple lumps, jaffas, black forest chocolate and Arnotts Mint slice are my passion, sadly no more….nothing like that has passed these lips in over a month, found out i was Diabetic in slightly dramatic fashion, on insulin the whole shebang!!! still I have lost 9kg so its not all bad, still comming to terms with it

  10. I too love twisties, also pringles to the point where I will not buy them as I will eat the whole pkt to myself, even though I feel rather ill towards the end, it is always the same old story…..JUST ONE MORE…yeah right!

  11. Giant jaffas & giant pineapple lumps.Was quite keen on the giant pebbles too until they stopped making them.
    Absolutely hate cheezel type things & would rather have rice crackers instead of chips.

  12. I like going to Dennys. I don’t feel good about it. It’s just that they do really good pancakes. Oh and Deep fried icecream. Oh and because it’s Dennys you can have them at the same time. At 3am.

    Maltexo is just sugar with some good marketing. Same goes for Honey.

  13. Yes Maltexo is great. I’ve considered using it to flavour gelato actually.
    I can however warn against any thoughts of revisiting milk biscuits (those big tablets of compacted, flavoured milk powder from your childhood). The phrase ‘prompt evacuation’ comes to mind. Very nasty.

  14. Sorry but I just can’t put rashuns into the same category as twisties and cheezels. That baoon flavour and smell is ghastly whereas a mere wiff of the other two has me salivating…

    Maltexo isn’t shameful it is positivley delicous and good for you.

  15. Oh yes, anything with fake cheese… cheezels, twisties and rashuns – my secret shame. (I had terrible cravings for them when pregnant along with insatiable desires for doughnuts and hot chips). Like the other poster I don’t buy them unless it’s for a kids party.

    Very fond of maltexo too, but my kids hate it.

  16. About five years ago I had the unappealing experience of eating at Cobb and Co for a family birthday. For children they served taties as their appetizer. They were not very appetizing but when I was a child they were a real treat. Chips and snacks are so prevalent and cheap now possibly there is little demand. I do enjoy potato chips but cannot stand cheezels, rashuns, twisties etc.. We are all built differently for sure.

  17. I tried taties a while ago as found some in Bin Inn and yes “unflavoured” is the word that springs to mind. Wonder how we ever found them appealing, give me a cheezel any day.

  18. I prefer the coconut ones. I have to go shopping shortly and will now find it very hard to ignore the Siren call of the Macs.
    Does anyone know if you can still buy Taties? These were little rings of what looked like pasta but puffed up into delicious crispy snacks when deep-fried. A bit like unflavoured cheezels.

  19. Our local National Bank used to have bowls of sweets on the tellers counter every Friday. There was a good number of MacIntoshes with the gorgeous chewy Mint ones being my favourite. Some time ago they disappeared and when I asked it was because several people had complained of dislodged fillings and wanted to claim against the bank! I kid you not.
    I couldn’t believe it. Now there is nothing exciting about Friday banking.

  20. Yes Crunchie bars are very nice, I have not had a Malteser for years but probably could be tempted again.

    I know with the Macintoshes that the texture does vary and some of them are rather hard, I wonder if anyone has put in an ACC claim for them!

  21. Twisties and Cheezels – I virtually muscle in on kids when they are served at parties. I don’t dare buy them.

    Maltesers and Crunchie bars are up there – I have forgotten that they are even shameful as I eat them on a daily basis!

  22. Ooh yes Maltesers are good. I peel them with my teeth then let the rest melt on my tongue.
    I used to like Macintoshes but went off them a bit after I strained my jaw quite badly chewing them. It made funny clicking noises for months afterwards.

  23. I like Smoked Cheese Slices but none of the other flavours.

    I also am partial to Macintoshes toffees except Malt and Coconut which I try and find another taker for.

    I do like Smarties and M&Ms as well but only really get them at the movies.

    My other weaknesses are unhealthy but a little less embarrassing.

  24. Jelly snakes and black jelly beans for me, and the obsession has never gone away. Old favourites that have changed in recent years so they don’t have the same attraction are spearmint chews and pineapple lumps. And I’m almost twice your age Virgil, so you’re doomed forever!